I remember a particular time in my childhood when I was in first grade. This specific day, at the end of the school time, we were allowed to have a gift. (I don’t know what or why, this is how it worked.) I picked out a cheap dollar store toy at first, and I thought it was the coolest thing on the planet- then I looked in front of me.
Now, at the time, in my glorious seven-year-old brain thought, “I want that.” In the year 2010, I wanted what that blonde child, whom was my classmate, had. What was it?
The CGI mess from DVD which should never grace the planet- The Adventures of Donkey Ollie. I quickly stole the DVD from the kid and was ready to scram when my parents told me to give it back. Reluctantly, I tried to give it back, but the girl already had found something better, which I can only recall (and assume) was a doll.
We returned home and watched the donkey nightmare. Please note the photo of the donkey secretly crying for help. Mainly the light, grey one: Now, in my best advertising voice…
Meet Donkey Ollie! The talking donkey! Donkey Ollie has been a colt/human for over fifty years! If you enjoy The Fruitytale’s, you will enjoy the greatness which is Donkey Ollie! With special songs to get stuck in your head for years to come, and animation to keep you awake for the rest of your days, this is a perfect thing for your kids!
… Back to our program. One of the reasons I decided to write about this computer animation was a because of a discussion about the worst CGI. Mr. Wayback (my dad) looked at me, reaching back into the depths of his memory, “Remember that donkey one?” I had stopped a moment, then I think I quit breathing a moment, recalling every lyric, every blink, and every wide-eyed stare from the characters from the show into my very seven-year-old soul.
I looked at my dad and nodded. “YES.”
Donkey Ollie was a children’s series created in 2010 to teach kids about the Bible stories. The company had a good idea. The premise had good intentions. They tried; a solid -45.01%. If you really feel like watching all of them be my guest: you can watch them for free on Daily Motion or Youtube. Or even on their website if you are feeling daring. I almost remember the episodes by heart. Yeah, you:
PUT YOUR HEAD UP IN THE CLOUDS AND YOU WON’T COME DOWN
I’m sorry. I will explain the first episode, if you don’t watch.
After a poorly done intro, we open to a desert home. Five donkeys with their faces which were rammed into walls at young ages, gather round while the oldest, and wisest (not to mention only girl) tells them a story about the nativity. We will name the donkey’s: 1. Only Girl donkey,
2. Those Three Mean Bros,
From my best memory, the Those Three Mean Bros, learn nothing from the Only Girl and bully Ollie. Only Girl and Ollie have a singing duet in which Ollie switches his vocal chorus for some epic, ultra-echoed, lip sync, OH YEAH.
And…. That is it. They go ahead and cram a bunch of stuff into the episode, more Bible life lessons, more continuity errors, and some EPIC LIP SYNC BALLADS, OH YEAH.
And there you are. Some Ollie the Donkey for you.
I’m so sorry. I will hopefully return!
Little Miss Wayback :D